1. Listening to you is killing more of my brain cells then the everclear I drank last night.
  2. Your voice is the reason people do violent things.
  3. I never understood noise pollution till I heard you speak.
  4. I am now nauseas, thank you.
  5. Your laugh would make the baby Jesus shoot his brains out.
  6. Silence is golden, in your case it would be platinum.
  7. In case you didn't notice, my ears have actually ran away from the side of my head and are now
    hitchhiking to Mexico.
  8. I didn't mean to interrupt you by slamming my head against the wall. I was just hoping to give myself
    a concussion.
  9. If you didn't have such an annoying voice, actually said anything cohesive, clever or interesting, and
    didn't tell stories that made me want to projectile vomit, then maybe I would talk to you more.
  10. It's impressive that you've made it this far in life without someone sewing your lips shut.
  11. Please never speak to me again.
  12. In some cultures you would have to throw yourself on a sword for how annoying you are being right
    now. Could you move to one of those cultures sooner rather then later?
  13. Don't mind me, I'm just trying to drill out my ear drums.
  14. I'm not offended by the subject matter. I'm offended by the fact that you think anyone cares.
  15. I would rather be doing anything else at this moment then hearing you speak. Do you want
  16. I would vote you for president... of a country I despised.
  17. There are people who are charismatic, natural leaders and speakers. You are not one of these
    people. In fact, you probably made some of these people never wish to speak to another human
  18. I wish I was a dog so that my pissing on your leg would seem somewhat more appropriate.
  19. I wouldn't follow you out a fire exit if the building was on fire.
  20. Didn't your parents hear of planned parenthood?
Things I really want to say to
people who annoy me