|1. Never count your chickens before they hatch. But after they hatch, don't count them by throwing
them against a wall.
2. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. Not even at gun point, but most horses
don't understand a threat, except Mr. Ed. And he'd go kung fu on your ass.
3. You'll never forget, it's just like riding a bike. Except that if you don't ride a bike for a real long time
and then you get on and you start out by going down a hill, it's not a good idea because it doesn't
come back to you as quick as everyone says.
4. Getting up on the wrong side of the bed can ruin your day. The hard part is getting out from
underneath the bed.
5. Blood is thicker than water, which is why vampires have to use less flour when baking.
6. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. No one should throw stones. Stones break
bones according to another cliché, but the decision should not be made based on architecture.
7. Busier then a one legged man in a butt kicking contest. I don't think he'd be all that busy. First of all
I'm not sure who is sanctioning these butt kicking contest. If they are licensed, I would think they'd be
rules against allowing a one legged competitor going against bipeds. But assuming it's not, I would
assume the participants would take advantage of their chance to defeat their easiest enemy. And
they would knock him down and kick him repeatedly. It doesn't seem like he'd be busy at all.
8.The pen is mightier then the sword. Okay, first there's a real important space between the words
"pen" and "is." Also, unless it's one of those James Bond pens, my money's on the person with the
9. Cat got your tongue? I think 911 should be called if a feline has ripped an appendage, rather then
the light hearted manner that this question is normally asked.
10. You can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one fills up first. True, but I'd
rather shake the hand you wished in.
11. They're like two peas in a pod. I think someone misspelled ppod.
12. Like getting blood from a turnip. I'm not sure who really wants turnip blood. I've heard of turnip
juice and am even less likely to try it if there's blood in it. If someone needs blood for a tranfusion or
something, I doubt turnip blood would be able to match anyway.
13. Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime. Yeah, but unless
he learns how to cook the bacteria out of the fish, his lifetime may only be a week anyway.
14. There is no I in team. There is a me if you rearrange the letters. And there's no u in team either,
or 20 other letters.
15. It's raining cats and dogs. The Chinese buffets will have no shortage of food.*
16. An apple a day will keep the doctor away. Any round object thrown briskly enough at the doctor's
head should do the job.
17. Make love, not war. I'm not sure I'd want to see that peace conferance between Bush and Kim
18. Two heads are better then one. Oh, sure except if you're the executioner, during mid-evil times, it
means twice as much work. And I bet they wouldn't get a bonus. Plus, you can't use the guillotine
because they weren't designed for people with two heads because they didn't have the A.D.A. then.
19. That's the pot calling the kettle black. Holy hell, a talking pot. I don't care if it's a hypocrite, it's a
freaking talking pot. I wonder if it screams when it's burning on the stove.
20. Don't burn bridges. Jeff and Beau are especially appreciative.
21. More fun than a barrel of monkeys. A barrel of monkeys is not that fun. Maybe I should have put
an air hole in.
22. The blind leading the blind. That seems more fair then a jerk person who can see leading the
blind off a cliff or into walls.
23. If you can't beat them, join them. I'm glad sports leagues have rules against this during the
games. Although it would be entertaining to see 100 or so players take on the Brown's kicker.
24. A bull in a China shop. I think Michael Jordan should be fine.
25. The grass is greener on the other side. The other side of what. Because I dug up my lawn and it
didn't seem any greener on the under side of the grass.
26. That will cost an arm and a leg. Where are body parts currency? Or at least limbs? The real
money is in organs. An arm and a leg would probably be a good deal.
27. A dog eat dog world. I picture dogs swallowing other dogs whole. It's even cooler to picture a
schitzu eating a doberman in one bite. But then it's not as cool to step on the lawn in bare feet the
28. A taste of your own medicine. This could be a good thing for some researchers. Or a bad thing if
you're standing across from Dr. Jeckel.
29. Paint the town red. This just sounds violent. This is what would happen if The Shining 2: The
Overlook Takes New York was ever made into a movie.
30. The buck stops here. I knew deer always find those deer crossing signs before they cross the
road and now they have stop signs too.
31. Everytime a bell rings, an angel gets their wings. Which just goes to show that performance
doesn't mean anything in heaven either.
32.Home is where the heart is. This explains the frequent zombie attacks in the houses of those
who've gone through heart transplants.
33. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Verify there's not a fire in the kitchen, if there is,
getting out is probably part of the appropriate actions.
34. Roses are red, Violets are blue- I thought violets would actually be violet.
35. Many hands make light work. No one seems to realize the work in getting all these hands. Bone
saws are tiring to operate. And hands end up weighing a lot if you've got a lot of them.
36. You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. Even if you could, would you want to use it?
37. Born with silver spoon in your mouth. I can only imagine it was uncomfortable delivery for the
|Clichés gone amok