movies

MOVIES HOLLYWOOD
WOULD NEVER MAKE
(They might, they don't seem
to give a crap)

1.The Neverending Hiccup-David Arquette takes a turn for the dramatic in this medical
"thriller" about a thirty year old who loses his job, family, friends because medicine cannot
cure his hiccups or his broken spirit.

2. Fat Kangaroos Need Love Two- CGI with the voice of Star Jones playing a pleasantly
plump kangaroo who can't love, but ultimately has two Kangaroos vying for her affections
(voiced by David Carridine and Fred Savage). The one she loves is named Joey, which
confuses her more because that's the name of her son, born, and abandoned in a heart-
wrenching scene. Fun for the whole family as you'll laugh at the antics of wacky sidekick
KANGY (voiced by Keanu Reeves).

3. Seeking Redemption- A young, fearless teacher tries to bring hope to an inner city school
        teaching them they can be winners at the ancient art of tiddly winks. But the plan backfires
        as Sarah Redemption (played fiercely by Lucy Liu) becomes enamored with the workings of
        inner city gangs and takes the message of the "street" to her family and friends.

4. Wicky, Wacky, Wocky...-HI-larity ensues as the street urchins on the corners of Wicky Street
        and Wocky Avenue argue over territory as newspaper boys in this 1920's period
         piece. Don't forget the tissues as they learn about love, death and heroin addiction.

5. Interestiallyingly Enough-If you thought Mac and Me was funny (or ever confused it with
       Roger and Me), than this is right up your "Alley" as the only way that Chuck's (played
caringly by Matt Leblanc) team can win the bowling tournament to save his marriage and
job is by convincing everyone that George (the ultimate collaboration by Jim Henson's
creature shop, ILM and the voice of ROBIN WILLIAMS) isn't an alien from the planet
Striketune.

6. Fight for Flight-There was only one way out for this band of war heroes, and that was to
band together, and fight, which was their only way out. Marc Wahlberg and Russel Crowe
lead this all star cast as they band together and fight, the only way they know how:
FIGHTING.

7. Something-Man- Johnny Depp is America's newest action hero. His powers are something,
and he's fighting someone who obviously disagrees with him, probably Jeremy Irons, who
has the power of something else, like courting Dominique Swain. But these powers appear
to be better than Something-Man, who at the end, shows that his powers or beliefs or
religion or hookers are enough to over power Evil-man. If you need more reason to give
money, it's very faithful to the comic book.

8. The Puxatawny Wildcats- Expect MAJOR league laughs in this minor league comedy. As
        your line up is Steve Correl-First Base; Chris Rock-Second Base; Seth Rogen- short stop;
Will Ferrel-Third Base; Dax Sheppard- Catcher; Norm Macdonald- left field; Jim Carrey-
center field; Adam Carolla- right field; David Spade-pitcher; first base coach-Artie Lange;
third base coach- Robin Williams; Manager-Billy Crystal; Commissioners Mel Brooks and
Leslie Nielson. From Craponthewall Productions, A Seewhatsticks Film (I would pay a lot of
money to see this). Go crazy folks, go crazy!!!

9. Have a Knife Day- Killer (WWE's Edge) leaves all his victims smiling in this thriller by the
     director of four Cheetos commercials, who viewed at least parts of the edited versions of
Friday the Thirteenth Part 6 on USA Network. So if there's a horror mastermind ready to take
this genre to the next level, it's obviously going to happen in this script by the author of no
less then five Sci-fi Channel movies and a few of the R.L. Stein Goosebumps teleplays.

10. The Adventures of Magazine and Mr. Cool- This screenplay written by the webmaster of
brightdonkey.com is a buddy comedy that will never be made because the webmaster is too
much of a coward to take a chance.

11. Q.B-Flat- Backup quarterback Thomas Gunn (played heroically by Gene Simmons) chance
was taken away when at the last minute the team signs free agent Q.B. Ed Starter (played
knowingly by Hank Azaria). The coach is Bill Parcells (played with great accuracy by (Bill
Parcells). See the battle of egos, the battle of age and the music from the makers of Chicago, in
this unprecedented musical account of pro football.