- Buy two bunnies, opposite sex.
- Genetically mutate bunnies into Super-bunnies.
- Breed Super-bunnies.
- Buy oxygen bars and turf companies.
- Release Super-bunnies into the world.
- Watch Super-bunnies eat grass at haphazard rate.
- Wait as oxygen bars and artificial turf companies demand grows.
- Collect money from oxygen bars and artificial turf companies.
- Buy major universities, implementing courses on world domination.
- Use graduates to staff army.
- Use army to build robots.
- Have robots clean litter to gain support of various anti-litter groups.
- With anti-litter group support, stage campaign to get rid of clutter at their house at the same time.
- That will overwhelm the nation's dumps.
- Convince congress to shoot trash into space.
- Shoot trash into space.
- Tell aliens we're using their backyard as a dump. (Preferably the alien who stands outside his space ship with a
space rifle screaming at the astronauts to "get off his lawn")
- Offer aliens latest toy elmos for semblance of peace.
- Use pact with aliens to cause increase in alien abductions.
- Use abductions to cause chaos.
- Use chaos to sell "probe" insurance, calling off probes as soon as demand is high enough.
- Use money from insurance to buy gelatin.
- Turn city reservoirs into jello for ransom money.
- Spend day in court.
- Pay royalty rights for stealing jello plot from '60's Batman tv show.
- With experience from law suit, restart original Napster.
- Use new Napster to bankrupt Yanni.
- With Yanni out of the way, win presidency.
- Use presidency to pass embargo on Canada.
- Thus increasing demand for Canadian goods and the use of the word "eh."
- With Canadian embargo in place, movies filmed in Vancouver will have to be filmed in the U.S.
- This will increase pay and power for U.S. gaffers.
- Use overwhelming power of gaffers to be elected to NFL probowl.
- Sell all your tickets to Hawaii.
- Use revenue to buy 200 pounds of Tofu.
- Offer tofu to small Mediterranean country in exchange for them changing their name to Jamaka.
- Watch as tourism patterns change, affecting both countries.
- Stage a potato sack race between leaders of Jamaica and Jamaka to see who gets to keep the name.
- Put potato sack race on pay-per-view.
- Use popularity of pay-per-view to start official Potato Sack League.
- This would cause a shortage of potato sacks.
- This would cause a shortage of potatoes.
- Publisher of Atkin's diet is jailed for exploiting lack of potatoes.
- Offer legal services in exchange for book deal.
- Build pollution generating time machine.
- Go back to step 43 and write book to use in step 44.
- With book published, start cult.
- With cult start national hide and seek day.
- Find out why you couldn't start that as president.
- With everyone hidden, rob them blind.
- Use money to hire army of monkeys.
- Have monkeys eat bananas.
- Line every street with banana peels.
- As people finally come out of hiding, wait as they slip on banana peels.
- Bide time as people recover.
- Use crutches to build world's largest radio tower.
- With power of air waves, manipulate weather forecast.
- Make sure everyone leaves their umbrellas at home on a rainy day.
- Thus forcing everyone to buy ponchos.
- Use poncho covered people to spell out messages from high altitudes. (Spells out "I'm with stupid" message
pointing at California.
- With California ostracized, celebrity news becomes nil
- Without celebrities to mock, Americans turn to gardening
- Increased oxygen leads to state of euphoria
- Sales of prozac go down
- As pro-Zack support dwindles, pro-Slater support rises (Saved by the Bell reference)
- This leaves the nation with misprinted billboards (pros later)
- It encourages college atheletes to delay entry to pro drafts.
- This makes agents sad.
- Leading directly to a sharp decline in Bling.
- Making Mr. T the bling-blingiest
- Angering the always volatile
- To appease the letter "S" the governments drops the letter "X" and uses "S" to fulfill "X"'s duties as well as its own.
- To protest, "X" no longer sponsors Seseme Street.
- This increases the number of PBS pledge breaks.
- Leading to more tote bags
- Leading to less plastic bags.
- Which means less recycling
- Upsetting environmentalist.
- Leading to tie-dyed NRA cards
- Bridging the gap between democrats and republicans.
- Putting hundreds of political cartoonist out of work.
- Leading to influential and beautifully drawn "will work for food" signs
- Bringing a return to the bargaining system
- WIth paper currency out of use, take a lot from the U.S. Mint
- Use useless money to gain control of 3rd world nation
- Offer nation as domicile for infamous celebrities
- Charge admission to tourist
- Sell to Disney.
- Forcing other companies to buy third world nations
- Causing mass redistribution of farm animals, bringing back paper currency.
- Also forcing the U.S. to list itself on the stock market.
- Use leftover money from Osygen bars, turf companies, abduction insurance, new napster, water hostage, PSL,
pay-per-view and currency taken during bartering period to buy 51% of U.S. stock
- Raise tases on companies that own 3rd world nations
- Forcing them to sell.
- Buy 3rd world nations.
- Use power to disband United Nations
- United Airlines and Nations bank will merge to fill the void.
- Banks merging with airlines causes the river banks to be on the go, causing mass amounts of floods around the
world.
- This wipes out crops around the world.
- Leaving the remaining nations to turn to U.S. for help.
- Agree to help them in exchange for control of their countries.
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